SIDE EFFECTS OF RADIATION EXPOSURE

This evening, our church group got together for a Valentine Banquet and I was asked to provide the "entertainment". When I was first asked to do something, I couldn't think of anything to do. As I pondered the prospect of performing, I decided to deliver a six-point lecture on the following subject: Possible Side Effects of Radiation Exposure in the Workplace.

I explained the kind of work I do, then I went through six possible side effects in the following order:

1. Radiation exposure may cause certain metals to undergo molecular changes when coming into contact with the exposed person.

I demonstrated this side effect by taking a penny from one of the guests and then rubbing that penny against my left forearm with my right hand. After rubbing the penny between my hand and arm for only a few seconds, it mysteriously evaporated into air. The cause? Radiation exposure to my skin.



2. Radiation exposure may cause certain objects to become physically displaced when coming into contact with the exposed person.

Richard removes a card from a deck.

Richard counts the number of cards in the deck. Only 51 cards appear. The one he selected has been physically displaced. It showed up a few minutes later inside my guitar case, laced between the guitar strings. The cause for this bizarre displacement? Radiation.

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3. Radiation exposure may cause certain objects to mutate when coming into contact with the exposed person.

Sharon holds a stack of 4 nickels on the back of her hand. After covering the nickels with a brass cap, the nickels mutate into 4 dimes. Mutation explanation? Radiation.

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The audience enjoys watching the effects of my exposure to radiation.

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4. Radiation exposure may cause a magnetic force or a gravitational force, which pulls certain objects toward the exposed person.

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Joanie had just pulled 2 cards from a deck and had shown them to everyone in the room except me. I made two stacks from the deck and then asked Joanie to choose either the left stack or the right stack. Amazingly, her 2 cards were the last 2 cards in the stack she chose. It did not matter which stack she chose. Either way, her 2 cards would have been pulled by some force toward my hands. Why? Radiation.

The attentive audience absorbed this learning experience.

5. Radiation exposure may cause the exposed person to experience what scientists refer to as the "Valentine Effect".

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I shared with the group how I met Debra when she came in as a patient at my workplace. I also shared that Debra has now been cancer-free for ten years. The audience also learned the reason that Debra and I are now married: Radiation.

6. Radiation exposure may cause the spirits of other persons, either living or dead, to be channeled through the exposed person.

Bob Dylan delivered a musical message to our group by channeling himself through me.

With guitar in hand and harmonica in mouth, Bob Dylan delivered the following message to the tune of "Blowin' in the Wind":

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How many times must a man touch a coin

Before it evaporates in air

How many times must a man touch a deck of cards

Before he finds that one card is nowhere

How many nickels must one man touch

Before he finds that dimes are now there

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The answer, my son,

Is radiation

The answer is radiation

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What makes a man end up with a job

That's free from conflict and strife

What kind of job lets a man go to work

And zap healing rays into a life

What makes a man end up with a job

Where he goes to work and finds himself a wife

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The answer, my son

Is radiation

The answer is radiation